American Wife

Like A Gnat

theamericanwife — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 21:32:38 +0000

Earlier today, I took Moxie downstairs while I got the laundry out of the dryer. She went over to the book nook, grabbed a few books, and brought them over to me. I read her “What Makes A Rainbow,” which is definitely a classic in this house. Then she handed me The Grouchy Ladybug, by Eric Carle. I opened it and started reading.

“It was night, and some fireflies danced around the moon. At five o’clock in the morning, the sun came up.”

She promptly grabbed the book back out of my hands and put it back. BEST STORY EVER.

ZOMG!

theamericanwife — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 08:50:00 +0000

http://www.movieweb.com/v/VIgIckggZbS8jl
I am more excited to see this movie than I was for Ratatouille (which is currently my second favorite kid’s movie). I mean, who doesn’t love Where the Wild Things Are? Arcade Fire as the music in the trailer? Bonus! Plus, Karen O from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is apparently scoring the movie.
Release date is set for October 16th (Happy Birthday Peyton!). Is it October yet?

This May Come As A Surprise

theamericanwife — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:39:00 +0000

This place needs a makeover more than I do. I’m not going to deny that it looks pretty sad around here. Look for some changes coming soon.

In the meantime, I’m still trying to find out the secret to making homemade pancakes. Every recipe I’ve tried has either resulted in flavorless pancakes or pancakes that turn out into the shape of amoebas because they won’t flip. It’s not that I can’t cook. I just can’t cook breakfast.

How We Almost Caught A Leprechaun

theamericanwife — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 20:02:00 +0000

This is how to turn icky mook-muck into leprechaun bait. We set some in a shiny leprechaun trap on Tuesday, in hopes that we could fool one of those tricksy little creatures. Unfortunately, they’re clever and strong enough to escape from a metal lunch box. Peyton was really hoping to use her wishes to get more wishes. For only six, the girl knows how to play the game!

I guess it’s a good thing that we didn’t catch one, because then this picture would probably be of Boo eating a leprechaun instead of a green lollipop. Mmmm.

(on a side note, arrrgh)

Spring Cleaning, Or Where Did All of This Crap Come From Anyway?

theamericanwife — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:03:00 +0000

Springtime is here, and you know what that means! Warm weather, flowers blooming, birds “fighting” and oh yeah, people getting rid of all of the useless junk that has accumulated in closets and garages over the past year. That is precisely what I was up to yesterday. Not that I was really into the idea of having to organize closets on a nice Sunday afternoon. Nope. It’s just that once I even move something three inches to the left and it looks much more organized over there, yeah, now I have to do the rest of this one. While I’m doing this one, I might as well clean the rest. I am happy to report that the shelves in my closets are about twenty pounds lighter, thanks Slimorexia! No seriously. The amount of stuff that left the house yesterday was incredible. I was able to get rid of three huge bags full of kid’s clothing. One of those bags was full of boy’s clothes, which is not unusual, except I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS.

Peyton kept moaning the whole time that she was bored and didn’t know what to do since I was soooooo busy and unable to juggle chainsaws or play fairy pony princesses like we usually do on Sundays. That was until she noticed her iDog/horses/insert random toy here laying on the floor. Then all of a sudden it turned into Oooh My Toys That I Play With For 5 Minutes and then Leave Laying Around Everywhere. Every once and a while as I was going through her ~~toys~~ junk, she would squeal in delight as she saw some random toy that she hadn’t seen for six months. When you’re six, that routine seasonal cleaning is like Second Christmas (which is sorta like second breakfast). How did I avoid this turning into Spring Keeping? Simple. I just called on Secret Agent Peyton-girl. She’d go upstairs to complete the missions I’d give her, I’d throw more into a bag and out the door. Ahhh, so liberating. And organized.

Things Are Looking Up in West Virginia

theamericanwife — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 17:05:00 +0000

While it is not looking too good for Barbie, West Virginia sure is treating us well this weekend. Three days in a row of short-sleeve weather, what more could we ask for?

Winter really blew it this year. I mean, if it’s going to be 20 degrees, there might as well be at least a foot of snow on the ground at all times. Oh, and I cannot stand it when it snows and follows up immediately with sunshine that melts everything. WHY EVEN BOTHER?

Back to spring, my favorite season second only to fall. I’ve been looking forward to having a warm day to go outside and take pictures of the girls ever since we got our new camera on Thursday. Can I also say I love our new camera bag as well? Also, no, we did NOT pay $80 for a camera bag. Thank you Best Buy discounts (For everything. Really. A brand new Electrolux washer and dryer for under $1700? Um yes, please.)

Again, I’m getting off track here. Jason and I decided to take all of the girls down to the park this afternoon. There is just something about spring that makes everyone happy, even 18 month olds that haven’t napped at all. We walked all the way down to the playground (where there is also a lake, pool, and tennis courts. Swanky.), which has to be at least half a mile from our house. Clarity and Moxie are still too small to do too much, but Clarity enjoyed the swing and Moxie enjoyed playing with the mulch by herself. She’s a little bit of a loner sometimes. Then again, they may have had more fun cleaning all of the mulch off of the stairs and the sidewalk (I am not really sure where they get the obsession with cleaning all of the little fuzzies and whatnot off of the floor, but they are certainly on it). How that is more fun that swinging, I’ll never know.

Tonight, we’re planning on having a small get-together in the backyard, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows by the fire. A perfect way to end a perfect day in West Virginiaville.

You’re Cute, but No.

theamericanwife — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:45:00 +0000

What is with kids these days? They think they can just get away with being little heathens as long as they look cute. As I am typing this, Clarity is standing on the couch violently shaking my brand new arch floor lamp. A minute ago, I turned to her and asked her politely not to do that, and I know that she knows exactly what I am talking about. What does Clarity do? She turns right around and blows me a big fat kiss. Which definitely does not make me feel any better about her beating the furniture up.

Dear Clarity,
Being cute will only work some of the time, and this is not one of those times. Though it does work here >>
Try when you get married. Now go take a nap.

Things You Won’t See on HGTV

theamericanwife — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:16:00 +0000

Let me just start by saying that I’ve been on a huge Decorate Everything kick lately. It’s probably due to the fact that ever since I was just a wee lass, I’ve daydreamed about how I would decorate my first home. You know, paint colors, accent pillow patterns, the nifty little brickabrack pieces that pull it all together. Or, those that just make it… weird.

For example, The “Sleeping” Bird Lamp. What an easy way to demonstrate to your kids what really happens to birdies when they fly directly into your windows! They just take a nap. Oh and they double as the perfect night stand reading light.

Ooorrr… the Upsidedown Baby Head Bowls with or without Handle (Handle = Freakishly Small Baby Arm Where An Ear Should Be). The creator of this piece says it is a fun conversation piece PLUS it is functional! Because you don’t want upsidedown baby heads that don’t serve some sort of purpose laying all over the place.

Keeping in the spirit of inapropriate use of baby heads, Czech company Qubus has designed what is probably the creepiest thing I have seen this side of a Romero movie. I bring you the Little Joseph Baby Head Candle Holder. Stick the candle right into his innocent little head and let the hot wax drip all down his face! When you’re done, pop him in the freezer for ten minutes, the wax will come right off and you’re ready to start the party all over again! Added bonus, overnight delivery is available in case you want to share the cruel fun with your friends at your dinner party this weekend.

If that’s not enough, there’s always the Don’t Eat Your Brussel Sprouts, Hang Them On Your Door! wreath*, the You Are Probably Going To Fall and Break Your Neck On These Stairs stairs*, and last but not least the Homeless in the 1700′s Rug* that ironically probably costs more than what you and I both make in a year.

Someone please, clue me in.

((*these are my sarcastic interpretations of what these products should be called, they don’t seem to actually have any official titles))

S-S-S-Santa?!

theamericanwife — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:36:00 +0000

As much as I’d like to do things differently around here during the holidays, we still “believe” in Santa. Every Christmas eve, we leave cookies and apples or carrots out for Santa and the reindeer. How nice of us. Traditionally, we also have two trees to decorate. We have the “family” tree, and we have Peyton’s pink tree. Yep, pink. Nothing says Christmas like a pink tree. Anyway, you see that sad face over there? That face is the result of “Santa” not putting any presents under her tree. She had loads of gifts under the family tree, but none under hers. “Santa” made it up to her the next year by not forgetting to put gifts under both trees. She was no longer mad at Santa.

This year “Santa” (ahem, me) brought her a wooden sushi set, with Real Chopping Sounds! We got her a Wii. Take a guess as to which she was more excited about? Everywhere we went that day, she talked about her awesome gift from Santa and how she hopes he brings her more next year.

Wooden Sushi Set>Wii = Santa>Mommy & Daddy?

Maybe. It’s cool with me though. Her face on Christmas morning when she see the cookies eaten and the gifts that Santa has left is absolutely worth being #2.

The Quarterly Update.

theamericanwife — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:16:00 +0000

Sooo… I haven’t really blogged here for uh, a while. I can probably come up with about 3,000 reasons as to why that is, but none of them really matter in the long run. So here is my update, complete with a bullet point list!

My kid is better than your kid at Kindergarten
The babies are now toddlers, still ~~a pain in the ass~~ adorable
A 6th Beatle I mean, family member has moved in (more about that later)
Jason and I have painted one wall in our house, wooo progress!
I still have a job, yes the same one
I haven’t been asked if I’m pregnant in at least four months! yessssss thank you YOGA!
We finally got a Wii, and no it didn’t come from Santa
I’m awesome